April 11 

Eleven joined this Restorative Justice conversation to explore the benefits of gratitude when facing conflict in our lives. Leading us in this conversation were Program Coordinator, Jessica Terezakis, longtime volunteer and Restorative Justice Salt Spring Island Board member, Laura Dafoe, and new volunteer, Fig, bringing her rich experiences with nonviolent communication and community activism. 

After a Land Acknowledgement, during which we were reminded that Restorative Justice principles are grounded in Indigenous circle practices throughout the world, we began our exploration of the power of gratitude in challenging times. 

We began, as we do each second Friday of the month when we welcome our Restorative Justice volunteers, by reviewing the Five Agreements: 

1) Honour each individual’s opportunity to speak when holding the talking piece. 

2) Speak and listen with care 

3) Speak and listen from the heart. 

4) Take the time you need while also being mindful of the need for others to have time. 

5) Honour confidentiality: Share the learning, not the details of personal information. 

We were reminded that this time was to share insights and the learning from these reflections. It was not a time to deeply explore personal stories of hurt and sadness. Our volunteers did, however, invite any who wanted to explore their personal challenges more fully to reach out to them for a more in-depth conversation. Interested? Contact the Restorative Justice team at info@rjssi.org or check out their website at: https://www.rjssi.org/),

During our time together, we passed around a delicately painted egg as our “talking piece,” signifying each participant’s opportunity to speak. It was noted that this egg, a symbol of spring and new life, was also very delicate, reminding us to be careful of it as well as of our words to each other. We were also reminded that when eggs break, it can be messy, much like the difficult conversations exploring our conflicts. Unexpectedly, a participant later shared the significance of this hand-painted Ukrainian egg, a symbol of gratitude. We learned that this gratitude was also practiced by those who make them on Vancouver Island. 

We began with the story of the two wolves (https://theacademy.sdsu.edu/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/two-wolves-cherokee-story.pdf), an Indigenous tale of the two wolves inside us all, one full of hatred and anger and the other living in harmony, fighting only when it is right to fight and only then in a good way. When asked which wolf wins, the response was: “The one that is fed.” 

We explored how gratitude is not about ignoring problems or pretending conflict doesn’t exist. Instead, it can serve as a grounding foundation for how we approach difficult situations. When we’re activated by strong emotions, gratitude can help keep us centered, preventing us from lashing out or reacting impulsively. While anger can be a powerful force for justice and change, gratitude offers a complementary practice – one that can help us express ourselves in healthier, more constructive ways. 

First Circle: Share something for which you are grateful 

Remembering that we have a choice between anger and harmony, we were all asked to describe our experience of gratefulness. Responses varied widely and included: “I have gratitude for. . .”

● those who stand up to evil power at risk to their lives, 

● the fact that I can get out of bed each morning and keep going, 

● cuddling my chickens, 

● living in Canada and especially on Salt Spring, and 

● Restorative Justice and ASK Salt Spring for providing the opportunity for this conversation. 

Small Group: With gratitude as your touchstone, what makes you feel settled and grounded? 

We then broke into small groups to discuss more fully how we bring gratitude into our lives. Again, responses varied and included: 

● Bringing perspective of the larger picture when faced with conflict; 

● Seeking stillness, often in the forest or a favourite place, savouring bird songs; 

● Establishing a daily routine of conscientiously expressing gratitude to heal and nourish a relationship; 

● Focusing one’s thoughts on those things for which we are grateful; 

● Savouring gratitude for the cycle of life and death, which is especially poignant when grappling with the imminent death of a loved one; 

● Remaining grounded in the belief that there is good to be found in every situation no matter how challenging; 

● Turning away from the dark, consciously summoning gratitude as anger begins to engulf; 

● Celebrating family and friends; 

● Expressing forgiveness; 

● Mediating and retelling meaningful stories; and 

● Remembering that we have a choice between gratitude and anger. 

Circle: How do you cultivate gratitude in your life? 

After this deeper small group exploration of how we seek gratitude, we went around the circle, noting the specific practices we employ to keep gratitude in our lives. Again, the responses varied and included: 

● Self-acceptance, 

● Offering acts of generosity, 

● Approaching others with care and honesty, 

● Bringing forgiveness to conflict, 

● Accepting certain unchangeable circumstances, 

● Journaling, 

● Celebrating progress, not perfection, 

● Changing self talk from “I have to. . . .“ to “I get to. . . ,“ 

● Expressing love and compassion, 

● Being kind, 

● Surrounding oneself with good people, 

● Doing things that bring us joy 

● Focusing on the good rather than remaining the victim. 

Circle: How do you cultivate gratitude in our community? 

As our time together for this month was drawing to a close, we were asked to share how we bring this gratitude into our community. The varied responses included: 

● Offering our best selves as we address issues and conflicts in our community, 

● Being compassionate with ourselves and caring for our own needs; 

● Frequently expressing gratitude, maybe even beginning each community meeting by asking all to share something for which they are grateful, 

• Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable,
• And, remembering to treat everyone as we would like to be treated, living that Golden Rule every day. 

We closed with a quote by Morihei Ueshiba, “Be Grateful even for hardships and setbacks. Dealing with such obstacles is an essential part of training in the Art of Peace.”

As our time with Laura, Jessica, and Fig was over for this month, many of us left appreciating this exploration of gratitude together. Many also wished that more in our community could express more gratitude rather than conflict and anger. We left appreciative of the very different dialogue Fig, Jessica, and Laura had created and grateful for their hard work, optimism, and courage in creating these inspiring conversations. (Thanks, Fig, Laura, and Jessica! – And, see you for our next Restorative Justice Circle Dialogue May 9, 11-1, in the SIMS classroom. ) 

Just in case you are interested. . . .This report has been written by Gayle Baker, founder of ASK Salt Spring, currently also a Salt Spring Local Community Commissioner. It has been reviewed and edited by the Restorative Justice team.